I am an American and I Eat Hot Dogs

1 x dog with “everything”, $2.95

Super Bow Sunday 2008 and we embark on our first official NYC Dog Crawl. This is our pregame: a 1pm meet-up at Katz’s and then a walking tour of lower Manhattan’s more well-established hot dog eateries. I’ve been living in Brooklyn for about 5 months now, and I’ve barely had a chance to check in with the local flavor, so I’m primed and ready for the marathon.

Katz’s is a legendary deli on Houston, and I’ve always heard good things about their hot dog. It seems to make all of the “10 Best” lists of dog joints in NYC, but after our visit, I’m assuming that it’s making those lists based on reputation and not product.

The hot dog itself was actually fine, but their biggest affront, both to hot dog eaters nd to humanity, was that when I asked for a hot dog with everything, the dude behind the counter put a stripe of ketchup on the hot dog. I was shocked. I’m not even sure how to adequately describe what I felt. It was like being in a zombie movie where you’re at the counter ordering food and you suddenly realize that all the people working are zombies, everyone in the restaurant is a zombie, and then you look to your friends for backup and realize that they’re zombies too. The whole world had turned itself inside out. If you were to go back and read through this blog, over 150 entries at this point, not once have I ever been served a hot dog with ketchup. What the hell was going on? Was it this guy’s first day? As soon as I saw that red stripe, I said, “Wait a sec, are you putting ketchup on that hot dog!?” “Well, you asked for everything.” OK, yeah, I asked for everything, but I don’t think that’s meant to be taken quite literally. When it comes to hot dogs, there’s a regional specificity to the word “everything.” In Chicago, it’s mustard, relish, a pickle spear, lettuce, tomato, sport peppers and celery salt. In Cincinnati, it’s chili, mustard, onions and shredded cheese. And in New York City, it should be mustard, onions, and kraut. Ketchup should never enter the picture. Not in New York, not anywhere. I think I was actually offended!

Now I highly doubt that Katz’s could maintain their spot on these top 10 lists by serving hot dogs with ketchup. It’s my suspicion that this was an employee-motivated attack on our sensibilities. Maybe it was this dude’s first day? Maybe he’d never worked behind the hot dog counter before? I’m actually considering writing in to Katz’s deli asking if ketchup is an approved and regular part of their “everything” routine. If any Katz’s representatives are reading this, please feel free to write in to address this issue.

That being said, the ketchup error was quickly corrected, almost as if the employee knew what he was doing was wrong. He quickly discarded the ketchup-ridden dog and fixed a new one up for me. It had a real classic New York feel, highlighted by lots of snap and a fine onion sauce. I suppose this is the real reason why this place ends up on those lists, but I’m still not feeling it. It was a fine dog, but it’s nothing that’s gonna blow your mind.

1 x Spicy Redneck, wrapped in bacon with chili, coleslaw and jalapenos for maybe like $4.50

Crif Dogs is one of those nouveau/hipster hot dog-only joints. They’re popping up all over the country and are recognizable by their penchant for “extreme” and “wacky” hot condiment combinations and cartoony graphic design that occasionally seems to have been done by tattoo artists. I’m not really complaining here, just pointing out some commonalities that I’ve observed in my travels. In actuality, these are the places that are generally pushing hot dogs into new directions. These are the guys who, by dedicating themselves entirely to the hot dog, free themselves from convention and pave the way for truly unique creations. It’s true that many of these hot dogs are maybe motivated by a novelty factor, but hey, I play in a band about the Harry Potter books so who am I to criticize someone for being novel.

Anyway, Crif rocks things out Jersey style and that means these hot dogs are deep fried in grease. What’s more, they subscribe to the adage that bacon makes everything better. Nearly all of their hot dogs are wrapped in bacon, and then given the Jersey treatment. While I’m not huge on the grease-dog, the bacon added just the right flavor and depth that the oil just doesn’t quite provide for me. Throw a line of mustard on this and it’s good-to-go.

Mine came with some coleslaw, chili and jalapenos and their menu proclaimed that this hot dog was so good that it would “make you want to hump your mamma.” While I wasn’t very interested in that, I was definitely intrigued by a hot dog that considered itself worthy of such a bold claim. While I don’t think that it quite lived up to its own hype, this dog was pretty darn good. While the chili-slaw combo may have it’s roots out in West Virginia, this is a totally different beast than the elegantly flavored creations out in Appalachia. This focused more on the bold and spicy versus the hot/cold harmony of the more simple chili-slaw dog. They heavy flavor of this dog was accentuated by the greasy prepwork and NYC’s favorite flavor component, bacon. It was all around satisfying, and thankfully not quite as spicy as I had expected.

The highlight of the trip, though, was the Sourcheese dog that a couple of other folks on our trip went in for. Deep-fried with bacon and slathered with cheese sauce and laid up with a pickle spear, it was simple and probably super-hazardous to your health, but holy crap was it good. This was indulgence taken to extremes. I’ll tell you right now that this place was the highlight of our hot dog crawl.

One note of caution when visiting Crif Dogs (which I recommend): there are two Ms. Pacman machines in this place. One is a table-top, which I didn’t get to play. The other is a slow abomination with a washed out screen and a flippant joystick. Plus, the player is given 5 lives at the start, which is simply excessive. Someone needs to get inside this thing and flip some dipswitches ASAP.

1 x hot dog and a coconut juice, $2.50

Forget this place. Seriously people, you can do so much better. This place is basically for drunk people to eat at at 3am. The hot dogs taste like plastic.

1 x Frankfurter (comes with a side), $4.75

At this point some of us are starting struggle with the number of hot dogs we’ve eaten in the day. I’m not saying that I’m one of them, but I was certainly feeling like going all-out for the chili dog was maybe not in my best interest at this point in the afternoon. It’s a decision I later regretted after having a bite off Georg’s. Man, that chili dog was nice.

According to the internet research I did, this place is renown for it’s New England- style hot dogs and they lived up to the promise. In fact, I suspect that this hot dog is secretly in competition with the one served up on Revere Beach for the most-buttery hot dog of the northeast. Even though it was February, I think we were all instantly struck by that summer feeling. Mustard and relish came served on the side, which I always appreciate in a sit-down setting. The dog was a fine all-beef variety with good flavor, although overall, this guy was a bit salty, maybe from all the buttering that was going on backstage. Also, this place wins bonus points for being the first spot on our tour where we drank beer. Beer and hot dogs are good!

1 x Flat Top dog, with carmelized onions and cheese sauce, $3.75

The Final Stop on our tour of duty today leads us to the legendary Shake Shack, now with winter hours! We took a little walk before-hand to try and walk off some of our previous exploits. There weren’t too many hot dogs on the menu, and honestly, this place is not really know for it’s hot dogs as much as shakes and general summer food, so I panicked a bit at the counter and ordered the cheese dog hoping that these guys might be able to capture the magic of their downtown neighbors at Crif Dogs. In reality, the cheese dog is not one of my favorites, and without the bacon, it was a tough way to close out a full day of hot dog consumption. Yeah, it was definitely on the higher end of cheese dogs, but it’s just not my thing. I may have been a bit burnt out at this point, but I still think on any other day, I probably would have ordered something else from the menu.