I am an American and I Eat Hot Dogs

1 x chili dog, $1.50

Bound for St. Louis, we found ourselves headed through the pan-handle of West Virginia right as our stomachs began to grumble. Not having any idea where to stop, we called up the expert: Stanton of the West Virginia Hot Dog Blog. He had brought us out for some great dogs in Charleston over the summer and luckily I still have his phone number hanging around for just such an emergency. He directed us to Louie’s, though he warned that pan-handle dogs are a little different from the WV dogs that he whet our appetite with back in July. His vast knowledge didn’t fail either, for instead of being met by the glory of the chili-slaw dog, we were instead subjected to the lazy-man’s chili dog. I’m sort of inventing terms here, but what I mean to describe is a chili dog that simply fails to deliver on all the excitement of a chili dog. Specific failings at Louie’s include:

1) That crappy, watery chili that’s really just ground beed with a little bit of seasoning.
2) No cheese – sire, I understand that we’re privy to local custom and maybe cheese isn’t the thing here in Wheeling, but if you’re going to top your dog with a subpar chili, you could at least supplement with some cheese.
3) Rollers! Bad form! I am just not-at-all into hot dog that are cooked on rollers. It’s a pet peeve, I guess.

So I can’t really give much of an endorsement to Louie’s other than the fact that it’s probably one of only a half dozen places to eat in Wheeling if you’re hungry.

Taaffe Hall, Brooklyn, NY

1 x dog with onion sauce, 1 x chili dog

Game One of the World Series! Sox versus Rockies. I went into game host mode and cooked up a batch of veggie chili and some cornbread. I went to the C-town grocery store and bought a pack of Sabrett hot dogs and some of their special onion sauce. With this being my first dog as a resident of NYC, I figured I’d do things proper. These guys weren’t anything special, but my chili got some pretty good reviews. I also busted out my jar of Ipswich Oatmeal Stout mustard to much applause.

1 x chili cheese dog, $7

There are so many things to love about Lawrence, Kansas. Great eateries, an excellent record store, a fine used bookstore, and a super cheap vintage shop all contained on a 1/2 mile strip downtown. In one of the most notorious and mysterious of red states, here we find progressive ideas about consermerism being put into practice to great local triumph. It’s home to the oldest farmer’s market in Kansas, and the residents here seem to have a passion for supporting the locals.

Enter Local Burger: trumpeting the cause of American fast food favorites whilst combining the local sensibilities we love. They claim that the average meal at Local Burger has traveled less than 20 miles to your plate! This is astonishing compared to the national average of 1500 miles/meal. They’re use, almost exclusively, locally sourced meats and veggies which, we can assume, are pretty darn fresh. This is not the kind of approach of your typical hot dog shack, so I was definitely very eager to see how it would work out.

A hot dog, let’s face it, is usually constructed of the cheapest of meats. For years, we have sought the proper condiments and combinations to mask this fact and make these questionable meats more palatable. Here at Local Burger, the hot dog itself is re-envisioned in keeping with their high-quality mission. They offer up beef, buffalo, and more, all locally sourced and encased. A plain and simple dog is $4 and served on a whole wheat bun that is made in-house. “The works” (onions, pickles, kraut) can be added for an additional $1, or you could top it with buffalo chili ($2) and cheddar cheese ($.50). And that’s pretty much it for the hot dog-related menu options.

The night before my visit, I had a one-bite teaser of their all-beef dog with the works. It was absolutely top-notch. Great condiments, a high-quality hot dog, and a unique and complimentary bun. I was hooked.

I decided to go all-out on a chili cheese dog. While I waited, I talked with Karen, the new businesses partner at Local Burger. She’s looking to bring Local Burger to the “next level.” I’m not totally sure if that means franchising, but if it does, it’s certainly interesting because the underlying concept of Local Burger seems to preclude all the benefits of franchising outside of shared name recognition and some good graphic design. Anyway, Karen was really nice and she seemed very proud of Local Burger’s success, which is always a good sign.

The chili cheese dog itself was outstanding. It was served at perfect eating temperature and the cheddar chunks had been carefully melted into the chili to create glossy, yellow-orange pools on top of the hot dog. The bun got a bit soggy in spots, but my favorite hot dogs are sloppy but manageable, and this one worked out fine in that regard. Not to wax too poetical on a hot dog, but this was really a case where you can taste the care and tenderness that created the whole entrée before me. Without a doubt, one of the top ten best hot dogs I’ve ever had.

My biggest gripe is with the price. Forgive me, but we’re in Lawrence freakin’ Kansas here. My friend lives 3 blocks off the main drag and pays $275/month in rent. Meanwhile, I’ve been living in Boston and Brooklyn and paying between $650 and $800/month and never, not once, have I paid more than $6 for a hot dog. And that $6 was at Boston Speeds where he serves 1/2 pound hot dogs! I’ve traveled all over the country, eating at some of the most famous hot dog places in the world, and never paid anything above $6. But here, in Lawrence, Kansas, I’m breaking the bank and dishing out $7 for a hot dog. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally buying into the concept here. I love the idea. It’s just that there’s something weird about paying $7 for a hot dog. I tend to treat a single hot dog as a snack rather than a full meal, so imagine if you come into Local Burger and you’re hungry. You could potentially end up spending $14 on a meal. On a meal that consists of 2 hot dogs! I don’t know about you, but I balk at spending $14 on pretty much any entrée. For $14, I want candles on the table. I’m not exactly sure what the solution is, but at $7 each, these chili dogs will be a rare treat for me rather than a Lawrence dietary staple.

1 x Fenway Frank with onions, relish and mustard, $4.00

I wasn’t too thrilled about my foray into the underbelly of the bleachers for yet another encounter with the legendary Fenway Frank, but I didn’t have time to grab any dinner beforehand and no one brought any good snacks to the game. Plus, it was the playoffs, so what the heck, right?

I did happen to bring a 6-pack of Hood Sports Bars into the ballgame. With it being October, I figured my chances of hearing the “Sports Bars here!” call in the bleachers was pretty slim. I would be proven correct. We feasted on the striped ice cream treats during the bottom of the first and I discovered that at $2.79 at the Shaws down the street, the entire 6-pack was cheaper than a single Sports Bar here at Fenway. I’m bringing them to every game from now on.