I am an American and I Eat Hot Dogs

2 x with everything, $1.32 each

The second and, unfortunately, final stop on the WV Dog tour takes us too Skeenie’s which has been slapping dogs together for over 50 years. It’s a great looking roadside shack, that is adjacent to a small house which we later discover is occupied by the owner. Diners are welcome to eat at the most misshapen picnic tables on the planet because there’s no indoor seating.

I ordered two dogs so I could get charged up for our show tonight. The chili here had quite a bit more kick than the chili over at Romeo’s. The slaw helped mellow it a bit, and brought everything to a nice, tolerable heat level. My general impression was that Romeo’s came out on top. They had a great Yin/Yang/Chili/Slaw thing happening and Skeenie’s just couldn’t compete on that level. However, this place is still top notch, especially if you get a chance to talk with the 80-year old owner. She told us she’s been eating a hot dog a day for 50 years!!!! Four heart attacks later and she’s still going strong! If that isn’t a solid endorsement, I don’t know what is.

1 x chili-slaw dog with everything (mustard and onions), $1.35

A couple weeks before our tour stop in Charleston, I got an email from Stanton who runs the outstanding West Virginia Hot Dog Blog and he invited me out to have a few hot dogs with him. This website is far and away the most comprehensive source of information on West Virginia’s Hot Dogs. Stanton tells me that they reviewed 100 hot dogs in their first year alone! I think it took me almost 4 years to eat a hundred hot dogs. These guys must be super-human!

So what’s the deal with West Virginia hot dogs? Well, Stanton tells us that West Virginia is where the chili/slaw dog originates from. So here, in the land of their birth, we hope that we can find some of the tastiest chili/slaw dogs around. First stop on the Charleston tour is a small grill called Romeo’s. Stanton points to the man behind the counter and informs us that, “that man is a hot dog genius.” With the chili/slaw dog, it’s all about finding that perfect harmony between chili, slaw, dog, bun and condiments. Here at Romeo’s we indeed find ourselves in the presence of a master.

The chili is mild, but well seasoned and provides a great compliment to what is probably the finest coleslaw I’ve ever experienced on a hot dog. It’s so light and fresh that I feel like I could probably throw back 4 or 5 of these in a sitting. The mustard is just right and the onions add that crunchy burst of flavor that turns every bite into a party. This is blowing my mind. These things cost $1.35. I’m amazed.

Dad cooked these on the grill. He handed one to me and said, “This is off the record. I don’t want you trashing my hot dogs on the internet.” I think he was worried that I’d lay into him and show no mercy as I did back in January with my Uncle Joe.

Dad, the hot dog was fine. Don’t worry. But seriously, I’m home for like 3 days all summer, and you know that pretty much all I’ve been eating out on the road is hot dogs and this is what you decide to serve me???? C’mon!

1 x Zack’s Favorite, 1 x Dylan Dog

What follows is my first professionally published hot dog review! It was published by the Portland Mercury. I got $70! They didn’t reimburse me for the hot dogs though. You can read the published review here, or below is my full review which means that it has all the spelling and grammar mistakes that you know and love from reading this blog.

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We have a day off in Portland, during which I have cleverly arranged for the food editor of the Portland Mercury to take us on an eating tour of Portland. By sheer coincidence, she’s decided to take us to one of Portland’s finer hot dog establishments. We blast in the door and I’m pumped because there’s a table-top Ms. Pacman machine, so right off the bat, we have two of my prized jewels of touring in one convenient location.

The lead item on the menus is a Chicago Dog. I’m a little disappointed because they’re missing out on a chance to set themselves apart and add some local flair, but at the same time, this is also a bit comforting because it’s indicative of a passion and respect for the hot dog. Chicago-style is a high-water mark in the business.

I inquire at the counter about the house favorite, but my enthusiasm is met primarily with indifference and the most I’m able to glean is that the two most popular menu items are the Chicago and New York Dogs. For the record, Zack’s New York Dog is actually more of a Coney (mustard, chili and shredded cheese) than a NY Style street dog (brown mustard and diced onions or kraut) as the name may imply. I know, I’m nitpicking.

I’m most intrigued by the Dylan Dog, which features cream cheese, diced onion and tomato slices. I’ve never experienced anything like this, but in my mind, I’m imagining it as hot dog version of a Philadelphia Roll. In actuality, it’s more like a good bagel and lox. The onions and cream cheese work balance each other nicely and the hot dog itself has a full-bodied flavor that is a good match for the cream cheese. The tomatoes work to keep the dog from being too heavy and the bready bun is a nice compliment.

I also decided to the appropriately named Zack’s Favorite, which I am told is indeed Zack’s favorite. This is sort of a modified version of the Chicago Dog, served with brown mustard, a red pepper relish, sport peppers, pickle slices and a dusting of celery salt. The sweet red pepper relish is a great counter to the kick of the sport peppers, especially with the added tang of the pickles. Zack’s uses dogs with a natural casing and a great snap, and they keep this dog fresh and energetic.

The Ms. Pacman machine left a bit more to be desired. To our pleasant surprise, it does indeed have the fast chip installed, so the Ms. moves around the board at a nice, rapid pace. It also features the very rare “Heart Mod,” where the pellets appear as hearts instead of circles. I’m really excited to lay into it, but unfortunately the joystick is really finicky and I start missing turns all over the place, especially lefts and rights on the inner maze of Board 2, and this makes it absolutely impossible to play at my normal level. The color is a bit off too, which make Blinky more difficult to see. It’s good for a quick (and possibly frustrating) fix, but if you’re looking for some serious game-play, you’ll have to try elsewhere.

All in all, Zack’s offers a quality hot dog in what I had previously considered to be primarily a sausage town. His menu is focused on a lot of standard combinations, but I think with a little creativity, all the ingredients are here to liven up the menu.