Ben’s Chili Bowl, Washington DC
1 x Chili Half-Smoke, 1 x Chili Dog
Hello. This is Joe, and I am an esteemed colleague of Paul. He has requested that I write this entry because the chili half smoke that he had eaten had rendered him intoxicated with the beauty and satisfaction that a hot dog can bring into one’s life.
I arrived a Ben’s Chili Bowl with great expectations. Paul told me how he loved Ben’s the last time he had eaten there. I read about Bill Cosby’s infatuation with chili half smokes. The pictures in the Chili Bowl showed Cosby, Shaq and Bono all eating hot dogs with the most pleasant smile on their faces. Ben’s dogs are a rare kind of dog that touch the hearts and soothe the souls of those who are lucky enough to eat them.
My expectations were met with the first bite of my Chili Half Smoke and then surpassed with each consecutive. The chili used in these dogs is the kind of chili Jesus would have used at the Last Supper if he knew what was good for him. It was rich. The beef and bean ratio was perfect. It was not too starchy or too meaty. Ben’s Chili is the most balanced chili in the mortal realm. As it slid down to my belly along with the half smoke, my consciousness was touched by a heavenly experience. If it was any better they would have to burn Ben at the stake for blasphemy.
The key to a good hot dog is balance. The two most important entities when eating a hot dog are the stomach and the hot dog itself. The stomach is a very reactive organ, and the hot dog can be a very reactive food depending on its composition. A hungry stomach contains large amounts of negative energy. No matter what, a hungry stomach is a bad thing. But a hot dog depending on its make up can have either a net positive or negative charge. A hot dog can be a good or bad thing. The key in satisfying a hungry stomach is to consume the appropriately charged hot dog. A negatively charged hot dog will just make a hungry stomach worse and probably induce vomiting. But a positive hot dog will balance out the negative stomach. How do you know if a hot dog is charged appropiately? That depends on the balance of the hot dog. The positive energy and the balance of the ratios in the hot dog and it’s topings and bun are directly proportional with the energy that the hot dog emits. So the more balanced a dog is, the better it is for a hungry stomach. Ben’s has mastered this balance, and thus mastered the art of satisfying empty stomachs.
The actual half smoke was the most satisfying piece of meat I have ever eaten. After I finished this dog, I was on a serious hot dog high. I had never known such an experience to exist. I chose not to drive afterwards. I was too distracted with the satisfaction that the Chili Half Smoke had brought to my digestive system. I’ve felt sick after eating lots of hot dogs, but not this one. If there is an opposite of illness it is the condition that one is in after eating a half smoke. I felt recharged and my confidence was boosted. It is an enchanted dog. People, I urge you to make the pilgramage to Ben’s Chili Bowl. It will bring you closer to God.
