I am an American and I Eat Hot Dogs

Boston Speeds, Roxbury, MA

1 x with everything, $6

Another day, another trip to Speeds! This time, I went with former coworkers. And Ernie. And Erika. And Georg. Everyone was pretty excited because it was almost guaranteed that Speed would be there. I had asked him myself the day before.

The line wasn’t too bad, but we ordered 8 hot dogs, so I felt pretty bad for the people behind us. It took him about 15 minutes just to fill our order, but hey, quality takes time and no one behind us in line seemed antsy at all. Seasoned veterans.

Erika lost all her hot dog trip privileges from this point forward. She barely ate half of her dog claiming that she “only came so that she could get out of the house.” She didn’t appreciate that sacrifice that one must endure to obtain a Speed dog. Not finishing her dog was a show of disrespect to both Speed and his customers. I was insulted.

The hot dogs, again, were great and everyone was totally satisfied by their two-hour lunch break.

Boston Speeds, Roxbury, MA

1 x hot dog with everything, $6

Victorious! Speed was there to celebrate with my high school saxophone quartet. Once a year or so, I get together with the other 3 members of the quartet and we go out and eat food and play video games and do silly things like that. Today, I started the day by taking them to the best hot dog place on Earth. We waited in line for a good half hour and everyone was pretty hungry by the time Speed served up our half-pounders. Everything was just right and we made quick work of those gaudy hot dogs. The other sax players were mad impressed and contemplated getting additional hot dogs to send to extended family. After the hot dog, we drove up to Canobie Lake Park for an evening of amusement.

Mustard’s Last Stand, Boulder, CO

1 x Chicago Dog with everything, $2-something

While we were in LA we met some punk kid who told us that the place for hot dogs in Colorado was Mustard’s Last Stand. It definitely has the best name of any hot dog place around. For the record, he advised me that the Mustard’s in Denver is best, but since I wasn’t going to Denver, I had to settle fo the Boulder location which was conveniently around the corner from the library.

Mustard’s Last Stand is a Chicago-style hot dog joint. And it’s probably the most authentic you can get outside Chicago. They’re even serving up Vienna Beef dogs! I ordered one with everything and it even had the sport peppers. So they nailed the Chicago Dog. Good for them. I was a little disappointed though. But that’s probably just because I was just in Chicago 3 weeks ago. If I lived in Boulder, I’d probably be pretty psyched that I could go and get a Chicago dog every once in a while.

Also of note: they make their own mustard here although they didn’t use any on my hot dog. They used some bright yellow stuff. I tried a taste of their mustard and it was pretty good. Next time I’ll ask for that on my dog.

Pink’s, Hollywood, CA

2x Chili Dogs with everything (mustard, chili, and onions), $2.65 ea.

No trip to L.A. is complete without a visit to Pink’s. We were pretty tightly scheduled, but we were able to squeeze in a visit at 11pm. By the time we ordered it was midnight, which gives you an idea of the popularity of Pink’s. We wondered if there was any time at which Pink’s doesn’t have a line. Maybe 9:30am when the open?

Pink’s specialty is the Chili Dog and it’s one of the best ever. I’d love to try this dog side-by-side with one from Ben’s Chili Bowl in DC. Their assembly is such:
They take a very good quality 8” steamed dog and add the mustard. Then they totally cover that sucker in chili and add diced onions on top. The addition of mustard and onions is key. It’s not something you find with a lot of other chili dogs, which usually are just some canned chili thrown unceremoniously on top of a dog. This is probably as close to perfect as a chili dog can get.

Now please let me caution you! When you go to Pink’s, just get a chili dog. There’s no reason to mess around at this place. Sure they have lots of hot dogs with funny names, but it’s all B.S. Forget them! All they will bring is heartbreak. Erika ordered some junk with avocado and bacon and cheese sauce and you can bet that was just a complete gross-out. Same thing goes for the Harry Potter Dog that Joe ordered (canned mushrooms, nacho cheese and bacon on a Polish sausage). We had a pretty intense dinner table discussion of what makes Pink’s special. We pretty much agreed that Pink’s has excellent chili that compliments their hot dogs perfectly. I’ve been unimpressed by all other dog offerings aside from their chili dog. So please, take my advice: this place, of all places, is not the place for screwing around! Just get a Chili Dog. Or two.