I am an American and I Eat Hot Dogs

Friday, July 23rd, Otto’s Sausage Kitchen, Portland, OR

1 x Hot Dog with mustard, relish, and a bit of kraut, $2.25 or around there

We decided to hit up Otto’s because it was on some “Top 10 Hot Dog Joints in the Country” list that Georg had sent me. We had to drive for a good while because apparently it’s on the outskirts of Portland. But no matter – we are dedicated to hot dog consumption.

Otto’s dogs are homemade and they have a grill set up right outside for cooking them up. They were pretty tasty, but how this place made the Top 10 is beyond me. They really needed some amazing condiments like some serious German mustard and some kick-ass kraut, but really, their stuff was pretty plain. I tried a sausage too, and that was pretty good, but I digress.

If you live near Otto’s, you can get a solid dog there. If you’re visiting Portland, I wouldn’t go too far out of my way to get an Otto-dog.

Wednesday, July 14th, Pink’s, Hollywood, CA

1 x Chili Dog (with mustard and onions), maybe $2.50, 1 x gross-ass wacky dog with diced tomatoes, avocado, sour cream, $2.80 or something

Anyone who knows hot dogs knows Pink’s. This place is legendary. It’s open all night and once, Orson Welles at 18 hot dogs in one sitting. I don’t even think it was on a dare, I think he was just hungry.

We had driven by Pink’s earlier in the day looking to pick up some lunch, but the line was considerable, so we decided to hold off and wait until dinner. When we came back at about 10pm, the line was even longer, but we had to tough it out. We waited in line for about 40 minutes and spent most of the time discussing the questionable menu items (a Lord of the Rings dog topped with barbecue sauce and onion rings, a(nother!) Harry Potter hot dog that seemed to have little association to anything magical, etc.). We let it slide because we were in Hollywood. This shameless pandering would be unacceptable elsewhere.

We hadn’t eaten since about noon, so we decided to go all out and get 2 dogs each. I came away with a classic Chili Dog and some other dog that had diced tomatoes, avocado and sour cream on it. Joe got a Millenium Dog (a 10” dog with some spicy stuff and other things we can’t remember) and a spicy polish sausage (not quite a dog). Our friend Neal got a Bacon Chili Cheese Dog (damn!) and a Pastrami Dog that featured pastrami, kraut, mustard and maybe some other stuff. We totally pigged out.

The chili dog was excellent. This dog easily vaults into my Top 5. It’s right up there with Ben’s Chili Bowl in DC. The dog itself is pretty standard. I think it’s made by Hoffy (maybe a local brand?). The chili, however, is what makes this dog so great. Sweet and spicy. It is really quite delightful. You take a bite and it just starts doing backflips in your mouth.

I took bites of Joe’s and Neal’s dogs. The Millenium dog was pretty great. I wish I could remember what was on it. The polish sausage was spicy and sausage-y. The pastrami dog was pretty standard as far as those types of dogs go. I’ve never been too much impressed with reuben dogs. I think it’s because I’d rather have an actual reuben.

The other dog I got (with tomatoes, avocado, sour cream, etc.) was crap. When you’re at Pink’s, don’t get suckered into the crazy combos. I can’t imagine there’s anything better than the Chili Dog. Except maybe the Bacon Chili Cheese Dog. This dog makes you feel invincible. If you can survive this, nothing can harm you.

If for some reason you have to be in LA, go to Pink’s. It will make LA not suck as much.

Thursday, July 8th, Kankakee Elks Club, Saint Anne, IL

1 x Harry Hot Dog with mustard and ketchup

The ONLY reason I ate a hot dog here was because it was called a “Harry Hot Dog.” I would have had a “Potter Pop” to go along with it, but I’ve pretty much given up on soda. This dog must have been cooked a good hour before I ate it. I was, you know, on stage and stuff.

So anyway, I decided that I should at least give the Harry Hot Dog a chance. I threw some mustard and ketchup on that bitch, but it was a pretty unspectacular experience. I don’t quite know what compelled me to use ketchup as I’m usually completely against having it tarnish my dogs. I think I was just desperate for a change.

I found out after the show that the guy who bought the hot dogs purchased 100 dogs and 100 cans of “pop” for $30. I realized that consuming this was probably a risky endeavor.

Wednesday, July 7th, Gold Coast Hot Dogs, 160-something Wabash St., Chicago, IL

1 x hot dog with the works, $3.00

This place was recommended by a couple of independent sources, but I didn’t find it nearly as exciting as Huey’s. First off, it was coupled with a Popeye’s, so that’s a bad sign. The tomatoes were considerably smaller, and this dog really had no distinguishing flavor qualities. Their trademark seems to be related to the dog presentation. The slice the ends of the dogs so that once they are cooked, they curl out like octopus tentacles. A nice touch, but it didn’t save the dog. Skip it.

Tuesday, July 6th, Huey’s, on the corner of Clark and Blamoral, Chicago, IL

1 x Hot Diggity Dog with the works, $3.25

Ahh yes, Chicago! The Hot Dog City! I was pretty excited to try a real Chicago dog after my fiasco at Popo’s back in March.

In our quest for some authentic Chicago fare, we were pointed in the direction of Huey’s. The place sounded credible enough, and seemed even more so when we showed up to find a sign proclaiming, “In a hot dog town, we’re the best around!”

I ordered up a simple hot dog with everything. Now as you may know, when you say everything in Chicago, you get EVERYTHING! A Chicago dog comes on a poppy seed bun topped with tomato slices, sport peppers, celery salt, onions, mustard, and a bun-length pickle. And let me say, Huey makes a damn fine Chicago hot dog. The sport peppers provided a great kick and mixed nicely with all the other condiments. It was a little more like eating an Italian sub than eating a hot dog, but I was fine with that. In Chicago, I think steamed is traditional, but they also offer “charred” and that’s how I took this dog. It seemed like lots of dog joints in the city were using the Vienna hot dog band. It’s not the most exciting dog, but the real draw here is the condiments anyway.

Monday, July 5th, Rachel’s house, Centerville, OH

1 x hot dog with Grey Poupon

So we played our second show of the tour to about 12 people in Centerville, OH. After the show we were invited back to Rachel’s (the show setter-upper) house for a cookout. Nervous about more unhealthy food being forced upon us, I had emailed her a couple days before the show requesting that she somehow get some vegetables to the party. It paid off. There were lots of carrots and a fruit salad, and I only had one hot dog. I just couldn’t pass it up. It wasn’t even like I really wanted a hot dog, but I figured that since it was there and I was there, that I should probably have one.

It was rather standard. If you can mentally picture yourself eating a hot dog at a cookout in Centerville,OH, then you’ll have a pretty good idea of what it was like. It made me feel very American.

Sunday, July 4th, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA

1 x Superdog with mustard, relish, and onions, $4

Today was Joe’s birthday, so we celebrated with a Pirates game and a hot dog. This is a pretty new baseball stadium, and everyone has been talking about how awesome it is, so we decided to check it out. The game was really fun to watch, and we cheered hard for the Pirates even though we didn’t really care what happened. Around the 6th, we were undeniably hungry and decided to check out PNC’s hot dog offerings. We both went with the Superdog, and I topped it with my usual selection of ballpark condiments. Once we were loaded up, we headed back to the seats just in time for it to start downpouring. We discovered that the Superdog was extra tasty when being consumed during a refreshing summer shower. We also decided that in addition to flying the US and Pennsylvania flags, they should also start flying the Jolly Roger outside of PNC park. Go Bucks!

Thursday, July 1st, Trish’s house, Doylestown, PA

1 x hot dog with onions and some local mustard

This is the first stop on the Harry and the Potters summer tour. I am extremely worried that a large portion of my diet this summer will consist of hot dogs. Today proves no exception, as we were invited to have a pre-show dog at the house of the show promoter.

It turned out to be a rather spooky experience, as these people have seemingly read (and absorbed) every detail of this very hot dog journal. Despite not being hot dog-eaters, our hosts kindly provided us with some local dogs along with quite an assortment of condiments. A local mustard, some relish, diced onion – all purchased entirely on our behalf. It was a little scary that these people knew I liked my buns toasted.

The dog itself had a decent smoky flavor. We were in a bit of a rush and a little weirded out, so the dog went down pretty fast and then we left to set up our equipment.