Response:

Until now, this magazine has been sparing in its selection of critical writings. This is because we at Round have taken it upon ourselves to forge for a new path in modern criticism-- a path separate from and more powerful than judgments dealt in words. Written criticism has been weakened by the sheer volume of material that is available. How could you possibly decide which review to read of the new Nirvana box set? We must demand a more serious commitment from our critics. The age of critical action is upon us.

Our dear Georg Pedersen has led the way with his infamous critique of the latest Star Wars installment. Not content to merely voice displeasure with Lucas' poor direction and vomit-inducing dialogue, our editor took things a step further by actually throwing up during an IMAX screening of "Attack of the Clones." The effect was unmistakable. On the floor was conclusive proof that the Baby Vader/Natalie Portman love scenes were, in fact, stomach-churning. Take that, George Lucas!

Your dear author followed suit by staging a personal protest in front of his toilet on the final night of the Republican National Convention. The RNC served up a meal of September 11th exploitation, Jesus rock, and "God this" and "God that" which proved more potent than ipecac. Yes, the lies are difficult to swallow, but they are even tougher to keep down.

Let me tell you though, the release felt good. It was triumphant! We will not let these half-truths and artistic-insults enter our consciousness without a fight! We will not harbor these aberrations for any longer than is physically necessary! Demand more from your critics! Demand more from yourself! Fight!